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April 25 Peaceful nowYou may have to read the post immediately preceding this one to put the title into context.
Whatever my spiritual beliefs are I believe there is a pattern to this universe. Just study biology, DNA and bacteria, look at the math of the universe. I do what I should do, I do what I can do. I can fight and make my feelings known, yet...I think I must give it up. That doesn't mean my feelings change, it doesn't mean I stop caring about what is important to me. I will say what I want, how I feel but I can only control so much. The...Whatever you wish to call It - Fate, God's will, the Cosmic plan, the Universal equation - it is much more powerful than I am.
Surrender.
And I have never surrendered to anything in my life. Over the past little while, I have learned more about what it means to surrender.
It doesn't mean I give up, just that I give it up. There is a subtle distinction there.
Here is what I struggle with daily. You see my tag line "No more rules" and if you have been visitng here for a while you know I despise imposed morality and rules.
But...
I reach for my Id but am blocked. How can one desire to be a hedonistic vagabond while being afraid to relinquish control? Enigma.
I exert a significant amount of control over myself. A highly developed Superego you could say. I crave intimate control, sexual domination, the psychological surrender of another. It is however, an illusion, one long time readers will remember I wrote about a while ago. The desire for control is a reaction to having no control, no real control over anything or anyone. I cannot control another, I cannot make them choose how I wish them to.
Why must I keep myself under control? As the lady doing the homeopathic remedy said - I am constantly fighting myself. I have a wall inside my mind that takes great energy to maintain. That wall separates the functional (what I need to get through the day) from the rest. With all that effort the wall can be maintained for some time.
Then the levee breaks.
The flood rushes in.
And I drown.
The violent currents of thought and emotion pull me under. Emotions so powerful that they cannot be contained.
The reason for the control is fear. Recently I admitted to someone important to me that I feared losing control and never being able to regain it. Madness.
Once I lost control. The rage was so great that I was in a dissociative state. A return to that absolutely terrifies me. So I maintain control.
Marlowe maintained control and could step back from the abyss. Kurtz didn't, his Id ruled and he plunged into the depths of madness. That is my fear. Becoming Kurtz.
If I look at it though using Freud's theories it makes sense. I held back anger, I kept emotion inside. Then it came out at once. Freud said that the more rules imposed, the more repression we experience, the greater the neurosies. Now the interesting part - perhaps the less control exerted the less that is needed?
We are so innundated with rules, being civilized we have internalized social standards. Standards that are not natural. Look at North America - America founded by Puritans, the Protestant work ethic, the Cathoilc view of sexuality and the Christian fundamentalist view on everything. How healthy is North America? Physically, emotionally, mentally? People decry the moral state of society yet look at the rules, look at the control we have over our Id. It's impolite to scratch in public. No shirt, no shoes no service. Certain things are not discussed in polite company. A brief flash of a nipple is indecent. If you want to leave class to go to the bathroom raise your hand and ask permission. Yes sir no sir three bags full sir.
I will concede, out of self-interest and self-preservation that certain rules are needed. Drive on the right side of the road. Don't crush someone's skull because they made you angry. Freud, as well as Locke, admitted that we give up some of our liberty for the security of society. Hobbes said that before society the life of man was solitary, poor, nasty brutish and short. I can agree with those statements but the internalized rules we have now is beginning to cause problems.
With all the Puritan, Catholic Christian values having such a tight grip on North American society is it any wonder people want out? We need an outlet, and far too often those outlets are violent and psychopathic.
Today it is pills. And pills. And more pills. You are feeling blue? Here's a nice little blue Zoloft for you. Not feeling too happy? I have Prozac in my pocket. What about soma? Nothing puts you in a coma like soma.
I do not want your pills anymore.
Now for the decisions.
When to fight. What to fight for. How to fight.
Do I win by surrendering? Like a Chinese finger puzzle where the more you struggle the tighter the trap.
Do I surrender to who I am?
Do I get on a plane? April 22 A B C ummm damn how does that song go?
The ABC’s of Kevin
H Handshakes?: can’t stand guys that shake hands like a girl, sorry just can’t do it
K Kids? None of my own, but I do like Swift’s Modest Proposal ;) M Mom's name?: Mom, what else?
V Very clever or not so much?: clever
December 06 More on the Myers-Briggs testDebbie was kind enough to give me a link with more information on the results of the quiz below. http://www.typelogic.com/intp.html My notes are in red.
Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
by Joe Butt Profile: INTP INTPs are pensive, analytical folks. They may venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them. (I'm always deep in thought, many people think I am stuck up because I don't really seem to pay attention to those around me, I'm seen as aloof) Precise about their descriptions, INTPs will often correct others (or be sorely tempted to) if the shade of meaning is a bit off. While annoying to the less concise, this fine discrimination ability gives INTPs so inclined a natural advantage as, for example, grammarians and linguists. (god yes I have the habit of wanting to correct people, but I usually bite my tongue) INTPs are relatively easy-going and amenable to most anything until their principles are violated, about which they may become outspoken and inflexible. They prefer to return, however, to a reserved albeit benign ambiance, not wishing to make spectacles of themselves. A major concern for INTPs is the haunting sense of impending failure. They spend considerable time second-guessing themselves. The open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition. In this way INTPs are markedly different from INTJs, who are much more confident in their competence and willing to act on their convictions. Mathematics is a system where many INTPs love to play, similarly languages, computer systems--potentially any complex system. INTPs thrive on systems. Understanding, exploring, mastering, and manipulating systems can overtake the INTP's conscious thought. This fascination for logical wholes and their inner workings is often expressed in a detachment from the environment, a concentration where time is forgotten and extraneous stimuli are held at bay. Accomplishing a task or goal with this knowledge is secondary. (math is amazing - the math of the universe, Fibonacci numbers, the alignment of the planets, and I also look for patterns in seemingly random events) INTPs and Logic -- One of the tipoffs that a person is an INTP is their obsession with logical correctness. Errors are not often due to poor logic -- apparent faux pas in reasoning are usually a result of overlooking details or of incorrect context. (ahh logic, beautiful sweet logic, live long and prosper,one reason I am not a religious person is the logic doesn't add up for me) Games NTs seem to especially enjoy include Risk, Bridge, Stratego, Chess, Go, and word games of all sorts. (I have an ENTP friend that loves Boggle and its variations. We've been known to sit in public places and pick a word off a menu or mayonnaise jar to see who can make the most words from its letters on a napkin in two minutes.) The INTP mailing list has enjoyed a round of Metaphore, virtual volleyball, and a few 'finish the series' brain teasers. INTPs in the main are not clannish. The INTP mailing list, with a readership now in triple figures, was in its incipience fraught with all the difficulties of the Panama canal: we had trouble deciding on:
A Functional Analysis -- by Joe Butt Introverted ThinkingIntroverted Thinking strives to extract the essence of the Idea from various externals that express it. In the extreme, this conceptual essence wants no form or substance to verify its reality. Knowing the Truth is enough for INTPs; the knowledge that this truth can (or could) be demonstrated is sufficient to satisfy the knower. "Cogito, ergo sum" expresses this prime directive quite succinctly. In seasons of low energy level, or moments of single-minded concentration, the INTP is aloof and detached in a way that might even offend more relational or extraverted individuals. (this is very true - in down periods I detach and withdraw in upon myself) Extraverted iNtuitionIntuition softens and socializes Thinking, fleshing out the brittle bones of truths formed in the dominant inner world. That which is is not negotiable; yet actual application diffuses knowledge to the extent that knowledge needs qualification and context to be of any consequence in this foreign world of substance. If Thinking can desist, the INTP is free to brainstorm, calling up the perceptions of the unconscious (i.e., intuition) which are mirrored in patterns in the realm of matter, time and space. These perceptions, in the form of theories or hunches, must ultimately defer to the inner principles, or at least they must not negate them. Intuition unchained gives birth to play. INTPs enjoy games, formal or impromptu, which coax analogies, patterns and theories from the unseen into spontaneous expression in a way that defies their own comprehension. Introverted SensingSensing is of a subjective, inner nature similar to that of the SJs. It supplies awareness of the forms of senses rather than the raw, analogic stimuli. Facts and figures seek to be cleaned up for comparison with an ever growing range of previously experienced input. Sensing assists intuition in sorting out and arranging information into the building blocks for Thinking's elaborate systems. The internalizing nature of the INTP's Sensing function leaves a relative absence of environmental awareness (i.e., Extraverted Sensing), except when the environment is the current focus. Consciousness of such conditions is at best a sometime thing. Extraverted FeelingFeeling tends to be all or none. When present, the INTP's concern for others is intense, albeit naive. In a crisis, this feeling judgement is often silenced by the emergence of Thinking, who rushes in to avert chaos and destruction. In the absence of a clear principle, however, INTPs have been known to defer judgement and to allow decisions about interpersonal matters to be left hanging lest someone be offended or somehow injured. INTPs are at risk of being swept away by the shadow in the form of their own strong emotional impulses. (all or none - very true, I seem to be wither devoid of emotion or consumed by passion and I have been swept away in the past) Famous INTPs:Socrates
William Harvey (pioneer in human physiology) Fictional INTPsTom and Fiona (Four Weddings and a Funeral) Copyright © 1996-2005 Joe Butt Myers-Briggs Jung quizHere I sit reading the Guide to Applying for a Certificate of Approval. Fun. After little sleep last night, motionless in a comfortable chair. It's very difficult to keep my eyes open. I finally found out how much the application fees are to amend our certificate - $600.
Preferred type: INTP
(who you prefer to be)
(who you are attracted to)
Take Jung Explorer Test personality tests by similarminds.com Apparently I am what I want to be by this test. Which is a good thing, it means I am comfortable with who I am, which is true. Only took about 33 years of life to get here though. The world exists primarily to be understood - that is a definite truth for me. I always strive to understand people, who they are and why they do the things they do. If I am to take the attraction type seriously, the odds are stacked against me with my type only being 8.5% of the population. I've never agreed however, in specific "types", although given my past perhaps I should. Oh the poor women how are supposed to be attracted to the INTP - not only are we only 3.3% of the population, we are an absolute pain to live with.
If you do the test and want some more information on Myers-Briggs Indicator types click here. June 01 Pieces of PaperThe book I am currently reading right now Flyboys by James Bradley, was reinforced my desire to pursue a graduate degree in Economics sometime in the future. Why economics? Because economics drives policy, and if you want to affect policy change, change the economics. Economics is more than balance sheets and how a factory operates. It is about people feeding themselves. Economics comes from the Greek "oikos" which means home and "nomos" which means rules. How a household is run basically. Now, why did that book make me think about economics? It's about war. Well, in 1848 the Americans wanted a Pacific trading route, San Francisco to Shanghai to break the British route of New York to Shanghai, this route would be two thirds shorter than the New York route, good for American business. 1848 was the same year Mexico ceded California and New Mexico after the US invasion of Mexico. In order to make the route feasible, they needed a coal refueling station between Hawaii and Shanghai. The station would be in the Bonin Islands off of Japan, on an island called Chichi Jima, right next to Iwo Jima. The Americans sailed off and claimed it, and in so doing so introduced the closed Shogun Japan to western technology and in turn western warfare. Economics is powerful. John Maynard Keynes recognized after the Paris Peace Conference after WWI that the punitive sanctions on Germany would cause great problems in the future. He was right. WWII was basically a continuation of the WWI. Let's look at China, a country with authoritarian rule and a human rights record that leaves something to be desired to say the least. Yet western governments do not press them too hard on it, because China has opened up it's market somewhat, and what government would not want its companies to have access to a market of over a billion people. In Central Asia, governments turn a blind eye because the oil pipelines must go through. Let's take it closer to home and deal with the environment. Deep ecologists, who believe that everything has intrinsic rights - animals, trees, mountains - would have you think that it is necessary to protect the environment because it is our duty. Most people don't have the time to think about that. What if however, I told you that by reduce you waste production from the Canadian average of 1.7kg/person/day to 1kg, that you could avoid a tax increase? Or that your tax dollars could be diverted from waste management to schools, health care and social programs? Would that generate more interest? One day soon, when Leona Dombowski ever gets back to me, I will provide some figures from the Ministry of the Environment to show how much we spend. And just to show how odd I am, here is a list of the pieces of paper I want Engineering degree Bachelor's of Environmental Science Graduate degree in Economics Graduate degree in Math Political Science Yup, guess what I would be doing if I won the lottery, after my trip around the world of course. Update I just read in the Star that a Chinese oil company has paid $105 million for 40% of a Canadian oil company in the Alberta oil sands, China needs to secure oil for its growing economy. On the next page was a piece that said El Dorado Gold based in Vancouver purchased a mining compnay in China for $60 million. Hmmm. Economics. LaurellyI found a box today, and in that box was a stuffed manila envelope. The first thing I saw was old pictures from my army days in Wainwright. Then, I saw the letters. I saw the return address on the letters and knew right away who they were from. They were from Laurelly, my little cowgirl, the one who broke my heart like no one ever had before and no one has since. I knew I shouldn't read them, but I slowly took one out and started reading. I kept reading, letter after letter, some even still had the faint smell of her perfume on them. As I read, all the emotion came back, and my heart was broken all over again. I never loved anyone like I loved her, before or since, including my ex-wife. It was pure, total, from the soul. Those letters, those beautiful letters. I would get one at least once a week. I was locked up in barracks during the week and we only saw each other on weekends. Mail call was great. A cowgirl writing to her soldier. She would start them with My Dear Soldier, and end them with Love your Laurelly. My Laurelly. Then...Then I saw her pictures. The pictures of my beautiful Laurelly, that smile, the long brown curls. The pictures of her in the white dress, the picture of her when she won Miss Rodeo. I knew I should put them down...But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Laurelly was the absolute sweetest girl I have ever met. I was 22 and she was 21. She was from Manitoba going to school in Alberta. She was beautiful, with a smile that would make me weak. I loved to see her smile, and hear her laugh and feel her in my arms. But her family was Baptist, born again evangelical Christian, and I just couldn't be that. In the end, that is what killed it. No matter how much we loved each other, our differences in beliefs were just too great an obstacle to overcome. I hadn't thought about her in a long time. After I got divorced and was leaving Texas to come home, I searched for her, called everyone with the same last name in that area of Manitoba. Finally I got her mother, but didn't say who I was, she said she lived in Winnipeg now, and her last name was different. She had gotten married. My heart sank. You would think, that after 10 years, it wouldn't be so vivid, the memories, the emotions - both good and bad. They were still there as if I just got off the phone with her that last time when she said goodbye. I have just realized that every relationship I entered into afterwards in based on that one. Perhaps that is why I am single. Anything after the total, move mountain powerful, intense love that existed with her just doesn't compare. I loved once with the entirety of my heart and soul, and I wonder if I ever will again. May 24 Wandering the WoodsFrom a very early age, I was a wanderer. Starting around the ages of 5 or 6, I would escape and go wandering through farmer’s fields in Altdorf, climbing trees in orchards and eating so many cherries my mother would just look at my dark red stained face, hands and clothing and shake her head. It was a time of innocence, not just for me as a child, but a time when children could actually play out of sight of their parents. Although, I must say, I didn’t necessarily tell my mom where I was going. When we moved back to Canada, we lived on CFB Borden. Our house backed on to the woods, and they beckoned. The hours spent in amongst the trees. A perfect place for a child during the ages of 8 to 12. We would go back and build forts, crawl through the swaps, explore what was left behind during past training exercises. Even go looking for ordinance. You see, the first day of school they showed us a movie about the dangers of going to the ranges and the explosives there. I believe it was Corey Haim’s first role. Tell an 8 year old boy things like that exist and well…Right after school we were on our bikes and heading to the ranges. It became our hobby over the years to dodge the Range Patrol. We would be out there all year round. It is amazing how children don’t feel the cold. A 20 minute walk through the bush, great toboggan hill. Walking across the ice covered swap, trying to avoid the dreaded "soaker". Building snow forts, or just finding a pine tree with a thick skirt of branches to crawl into. Down towards the grenade ranges, I think that is what they were, there was this great little stream full of brook trout. We would get on our bikes (we lived on our bikes during the summer) ride out with the fishing rods over the handle bars and hunt for brookies. Borden also had this huge expanse of sand dunes, and about three inches down seemed to be a permanent oil slick. We always got a rash after playing in the dunes, but that didn’t stop us from going back. What did stop us was the time that, one day, slowly rising over a dune, were two American Apache ground attack helicopters. Those air crews must have nearly crashed from laughing at the site of a group of 11 year old boys sprinting across the sand. During the summers we had a trailer parked at a campground just outside of Gravenhurst. Set on a little lagoon, Kashe Lake, with pines all around. At night the kids would sit around the campfire, the parents usually palying Euchre. During the day, we would swim, fish and find new trails to lead us to dark places. My love affair with the woods continued when we moved to a small town north of Kingston, Sharbot Lake. The old railroad right of way was near my house, and in the winter the cross country skies would come out and I would ski for hours. Sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. I preferred the woods alone. In the army, we of course spent a great deal of time in the bush. Sometimes it was wet, full of mosquitoes ( at night we would hang Pic coils in holders around or necks), and sometimes you were too damn tired to even notice where you were. Sometimes though, like during a break or out on the ranges, you would be able to look around, feel the breeze, hear the wind blow through the trees. Petawawa was dense, boreal forest. Wainwright Alberta was different. CFB Wainwright is about a little over an hour away from the Saskatchewan border, and two and a half hours north east of Edmonton. No dense forest of towering pines here. But out in the training area, there were woods, and vast open spaces with rolling hills. I remember standing there one day, looking out over a line of ridges, and thought a horse, a dog and riding that ridge would be perfect. Once on a night navigation exercise, buddy navigating got us lost. While he and the section commander tried to figure out where we were, the rest of us laid back and took a break. The good thing about our web gear was that you could slide the small pack up your back as you sat down and it made a great backrest. We looked up, and across the sky was a beautiful display that really must be seen to fully understand, the Northern Lights. No one said a word; we just all sat there at watched in awe until it was time to move out. I then moved to Texas. Not the beautiful Hill Country, but West Texas. The desert. Oh did I miss my trees, and water. You should see what they call a river down there. I have seen the Pecos River, and you can almost jump across it. I would escape to the mountains (hills but they called them mountains) of Ft. Davis and the Guadalupe National Park. I would find trees, as well as an escape from the oppressive heat. First semester of this past school year, we took a day trip to Algonquin Park and walked the Boardwalk and the Beaver Trail. There were about 7 of us, but I barely said a word. That smell. The dark, wet smell of a Canadian Shield forest in autumn. My favourite sound in the world is the wind through pine trees at night, enhanced by wood smoke and the warmth of a fire. I find solitude and solace in the woods. My mind seems to work differently when I am within the embrace of a forest. And I miss it, dearly. It has been too long. May 22 Things I have learned..I have learned:
May 17 Tuesday Afternoon - Clarity3.44 PM Now on 26 hours of no sleep. Went for Timmy's took a drive. Cranked the tunes, well at least as high as I could get them with the crap factory radio. Paint it Black came on. halfway through the song I saw my speedometer. Just a little fast. The amazing thing about no sleep is the clarity of mind I seem to have right now. When one gets tired, the walls that are there that we don't even know about can no longer be held up. Well, one wall I know. I put it there on purpose, to partition my mind. I take a little sliver of it to deal with the day to day world, and the rest just..well...keeps going. I could even sit there in Hydrogeology class, figure out the equations for groundwater movement, and still be off in dreamland at the same time. The clarity of mind that I had brought me to a conclusion. All the things that have been weighing on me aren't that heavy after all. I actually have it pretty good. I mean I don't even have to look outside my family to realize that. Four years ago, my last grandparent, my grandfather, had a stroke that paralyzed his right side and obliterated his speech centre. He is now in Providence Manor, confined to a wheel chair, frustrated because he can no longer communicate. Make no mistake about it, he is still feisty. The only time you can understand words is when he sings O Canada or Danny Boy. He sings those a lot. My aunt, she has schizophrenia and has been in KPH for the past three years. I watched that disease destroy her. From the sweet teenager (she was the baby of the family) who would baby sit me, she turned into someone full of rage, believing she had a snake living inside of her. The rage. Before she was in the hospital, I remember seeing her one day and looking in her eyes, which are blue just like mine, but they weren't. They were black, dark angry black. I have never looked in anyone's eyes and been shaken to my core until I looked in hers that day. I hope that none of you ever have to know what it is like to walk into a mental hospital, to get buzzed in by the staff just to visit someone. And I dearly hope you never know what it is like to have the door lock behind you as you leave and see someone you love watching from behind the small glass window, locked in there. Fuck. It hurts. My older cousin, removed, a Jesuit father. Spent thirty years in Africa as a Missionary. He's home now. Why? He contracted HIV in Africa. Lovely - work for the glory of God and get a death sentence. Although, I suppose I shouldn't feel too bad, after all he is a Jezzie, and they are different. I think dying while doing the Lord's work is a personal goal of theirs. He actually seems to be quite at peace with the situation. Another cousin, his brother, died a few years ago because doctors screwed up an operation. Another brother in that family, a Metro Toronto cop, died several years ago. Was on the graveyard shift and in court during the day. A car smashed into his, he died of a heart attack. His son was 12. My uncle put two of his sons in the ground. I can go stand downtown on the corner of Front and Bridge and in 30 seconds see the lonely, the uncared for, the broken. You can see them is you just look. Head down, eyes on the ground in front of them, shoulders slumped, feet shuffling. They are beaten. How close are any of us to that? There but for the grace of God go I. That's they saying right? If it wasn't for my family, I would probably be one of the broken. They shuffle along the sidewalk. In the summer, if they have an extra few bucks, they'll cross Dundas to the Beer Store and get a litre of Ex, sit along the Waterfront Trail behind the Cabaret, drinking from a brown paper bag. People rollerblade, cycle, walk right past them without even noticing. They are invisible. Then, they shuffle north up Front, and go to their rooms in the City Hotel above Tye's Tavern. Sometimes I do get angry. It builds. But I hate being angry. I loathe it. I once let anger rule me. When I finally emerged from the depths, I swore I would never let it happen again. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. I don't have to fight to get money from a deadbeat dad just so I can buy groceries to feed my child, his child. I am healthy, my mind is clear, I am smart, I am not hard to look at. I have a family that supports me and good friends. So what if my car is a POS. I have a car, and it's paid for. Sure my pride is taking a bit of a beating, but it's nothing I can't get over. I can still enjoy the simple things in life. Today was actually the first day that I noticed the leaves are out. We are green again. Rebirth. Renewal. I can still sit around J and F's kitchen table, drinking beer and wine and rye and cokes until the wee hours of the morning, talking, laughing, arguing, slapping backs. I can still go to the Winchester Arms, savour a pint while watching a game on the TV, telling my jokes to the bartenders and chatting with the characters at the bar. My current job pays me $12+ and hour. If I go full time I can live. Hell I work with people that support a family on that. So I won't get that Jeep Rubicon I want. And it may be a little harder to head off to India with a backpack to flake out for 6 months. So what. I live in Canada. What are the biggest problems facing us? Politicians getting caught doing what politicians do. A budget that might not make it through the House. Men might marry men. Gee, nice problems to have. We're pretty high up on Mazlow's hierarchy of needs aren't we? I'm not in the Sudan being hunted by Janjaweed. I am not in Iraq where God knows how many bombs go off in a day. I don't live in Isreal or Palestine where you risk your life just to ride the bus to get to work. I look around, and I look at what I just wrote, and I wonder, what the fuck do I have to complain about? Nothing really. I'm shittin' in the high cotton. Life is pretty good. This cigarette that I am about to smoke now, I am going to enjoy it and not smoke just because. When my head finally does hit the pillow, I will enjoy the feel of the sheets, I will savour those last few moments of consciousness, just on the edge of sleep. When I do my laundry later, I will be sure to smell the Bounce on my clothes when they come out of the dryer. The next time I see one of my friends, I will be genuinely happy to see them. When a co-worker says "hey dawg, how ya doin?", I will smile. If I manage to stay up late enough to catch the Daily Show, I will laugh from my soul, and I will be aware that I am laughing. I hope you find laughter as well. May 15 Things I likeJust to prove that I am not a totally negative cynic; 1. The smell of fireplaces on a crisp November evening. 2. The sound of the wind through pine trees. 3. A kitchen table, good friends, great conversation and a few drinks. 4. The Winchester Arms - have to love a place where the bartender's hand is on the tap before you even sit down. 5. Tim Horton's coffee. 6. The rush that comes with solving a problem. 7. Equations - yes, I am strange I know, but they are beautiful. 8. Fibonacci Numbers and the Golden ratio - 0,1,1,2,3,5,8...math occuring naturally in the universe - beautiful. 9. Stanley Cup playoffs - dammit, dammit, dammit. 10. NCAA football - Go Irish! 11. The Enlightenment - Age of Reason - the birth of Empiricism and modern science. 12. Switzerland - it's been 25 years since I have been there, but the memories are still vivid. 13. The bargain basement at Greenley's Bookstore - Penquin Classics for under $5!!!! 14. Books - the feel, the smell, what they contain. 15. Knowledge - feed me! 16. Sininging along with a Celtic band in a pub, Guinness in hand. 17. The quiet of a heavy snowfall. 18. The sound of a loon carrying across a still lake. 19. Campfires. 20. Driving fast with the stereo cranked. 21. Naps in the middle of the day. 22. The esoteric. 23. VTO! - you have to have worked in a call centre to get that one. 24. Scaring people by telling them that the Hebrews were pagans first. LMAO 25. History. 26. A patio, 25 C, and a pint of cider. 27. Being a Sorpio. 28. My Irish blood. 29. Being Canadian. 30. The 4 Noble Truths. Hey, not bad, I acutally managed to come up with more good things than bad. Pet PeevesThe great thing about a blog - venting: 1. People who drive slow in the left lane 2. People who don't know what a turning lane is for - you slow down and stop in the turning lane, that's what it's for, and please make sure your vehicle is entirley in the turning lane. 3. That's HOT!...sorry honey, it's not. 4. The fact that most Canadians do not know the significance of Vimy Ridge. 5. International ice hockey referees - hitting the guy with the puck is not roughing - it's called hockey. 6. Notre Dame University - for firing Coach Willingham. 7. Notre Dame - again - for building on to the stadium, increasing the height, thereby scattering the leprechauns and blocking the view of Touchdown Jesus. 8. USC and Pete Carrol - for running up the score on ND. I remember that -I thought you had some class Pete. 9.Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow. And I thought hockey was for the fans. 10. Texas A&M University - for having male yell leaders instead of cheerleaders??? yes I know, not PC but I am a guy. 11. The Toronto Maple Leafs - because every CBC station I get always play Leaf's games on HNIC so I can't watch the Habs. 12. The Leafs - again - for being one of the most profitable franchises, charging exorbidant prices at the ACC and yet still can not win the Cup. (actually, one of my favourite things too) 13. The Leaf's - again - just, well, because they're the Leafs. Go Habs Go! 14. The fact that every radio station in my car always go to commercial at the same time. 15. Canadian cable companies / networks cutting over the feeds from US channels - like when I was trying to watch the last 2 minutes of a tied Green Bay game and Global cut into the Fox feed. WTF!!! Stupid CRTC. 16. Paul Martin and Steven Harper - for proving that maturity and decorum are not prerequisites for public office. 17. The fact that Canadian veterans seem to get more respect in Holland and France than here. 18. Terrell Owens of the Philadelphia Eagles -one year into a 7 year, $48 mil with 10$ signing bonus and wants to renegotiate - get over yourself, a deal is a deal - I can tell you where to put that Sharpie. 19. Toronto garbage - just because it disappears from your curb doesn't mean it disappears -it goes somewhere. Bet if Toronto wasn't allowed to ship out it's garbage it would produce a lot less. 20. Professional athletes that complain that their 8 figure contract isn't enough because they have a family to feed. Dude, how big is your family? Ask a single mom trying to make it through college about feeding a family. 21. People who spend tens of thousands of dollars on cutesy clothes and jewelled collars for their dogs. I love dogs, but come on, it's a dog! That same money could purify water for thousands of people and prevent infant death from water bourne pathogens. 22. Dogma 23. Ignorance 24. Intolerance. 25. People who think that the right of religious freedom means they can impinge upon the rights of others.
May 13 first blogWell, my first blog. This should be interesting. I am not sure what I am going to write here just yet, or where it will go, but it should be interesting to to find out. Little about me: I'm 32, just recently went back to school for Environmental Technology, I have completed my technician diploma and am debating on whether or not to return for the technologist year. One of the subjects I will post here about is environmental issues, although I don't think you could consider me a tree hugger, I don't even own one pair of Birks. I think I drove one of my teachers crazy with my thoughts on how you have to deal with the reality of the situation and use economics to drive policy change. My favourite thing is learning, doesn't matter what it is. That is why I think google is the best thing to ever hit the net. Want to know something, there it is. I've been able to look up everything from John Locke, to the Oguz Turks to the Gnostics. I tend to have about a dozen books on the go at one time. I despise ignorance, hence the learning thing. That doesn't mean that I think I am better because I can manipulate Bernoulli's Equation - it is the self imposed, dogmatic ignorance that gets under my skin. I'll admit it, I like having my opinions heard, but I don't mind a challenge, as long as it is put forth in a reasonable fashion, by all means sent me a rebuttal, but remember to play nice. Truth springs from argument amongst friends. My goals? Well, other than being a traveller for Pilot Guides, I would love to take my education and work around the world, whether for an NGO or a for-profit firm. I grew up travelling, lived in Germany for four years, saw Italy, Switzerland (my favourite), France, Spain, the Netherlands and Greece. I don't like the tourist thing, I want to be immersed in the culture. See the world, earn some money than continue my education. If someone is willing to pay for me to go to school professionally, hey drop me a line. Right, dream on. I suppose I could state a goal of mine by paraphrasing Emily Dickenson - "If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain" - if I can bring one mind from the depths of ignorance, then I shall not have lived in vain. Knowledge is nothing unless it is shared. So, I think that is what I will do here, share knowledge, pass on information and have a little fun at the same time. |
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